holy chest pain!

Once again, I am awake when i shouldn't be. 4 am...always a good time to pray. Chest pain is what brings me to blogger tonight.So, my mind is going everywhere. I've been taking the medication for 2 weeks now but no changes, this weighs heavy on my mind. I know the Lord will make everything perfect in His time though. I would like to be better now, but that may not be His ultimate plan.Giving up has been a hard thing for me to do. I am a planner. Always have been. When I was young I would keep track of the hours I spent with my best friend. The Lord has recently been teaching me not to make plans, but to wait on Him for what He wants for me. I am excited to go back to school this semester and to be back with my friends. As much as I know it's going to be fun, I know I will need to fight for my relationship with Christ once again. The only good thing in being in a place with no friends is that you continually look up to your 'biggest' friend...who to me is Jesus Christ. I do believe I have fallen in love with the One who made me. So many times I will get sidetracked and make God my #2, when He should always be #1.
Anyways, I have no clue what I am getting at here, I guess trying to convince myself that I am still alive. These dreams are getting the best of me and I am definitely in the fight for what's real. I will wake up not knowing what to believe or what not to. If this boggles your mind, it boggles mine more. also, one of my friends is getting married, that's on my mind. Let's just say I'm glad it's not me, not now, not here.

.dreaming with a broken heart.

yes, the dreams are becoming more and more odd every night.
since i got the results of my test, which turned out to be normal I am taking beta-blockers to slow down my heart to help me feel better. a side effect is to have "unusual dreams". for me, side effects always effect me.
Unusual wouldn't even start to explain how odd these dreams have been, more nightmares in the past 3 nights than ever in my life. last time i was taking this medicine before the surgery, every night i would half wake up(sleep-walking i suppose) and would lock my bedroom door. I would wake up every morning to someone banging on my door, while I am mind-boggled on how the door got locked.
I've had dreams of Roscoe.
Dreams of my doctors.
Dreams of almost every person I've ever met.
Dreams of the future...all very odd.
I'll have to see if the dreams slow down, I'm hoping so.
I guess this is what you'd call dreaming with a broken heart. and waking up is definitely the hardest part.