It's been quite some time since posting on My heart's Symphony. I've been blog hopping and leaving the heart problems behind as the new diagnosis of Lyme disease has consumed my life. The wondering is over, the scanning WebMD for any answers and being my own doctor..it's all over. Relief? Yes, in ways I guess it's good to know, good to have a treatment plan. In other ways it's hard to face the music. Hard to face this life that I didn't want, but the one that was given to me, appointed to me by a much Higher Power.
At one time I thought that heart problems would be issues forever,that the chest pain would never cease, that cardio would be my biggest problem. So many things change.
And I must say I've learned so much in the few short years since my heart problems began in 2008. To sum up what I have learned is that I have no control over this life that I live. And I always thought that I would. I was always such a planner, and still sometimes I'll look at nursing schools, hoping to be something better than a cripple. But for right now, the Lord has told me that being a nurse is no higher calling than being a cripple, for when I am weak, He is ever so strong.
He doesn't need me to be strong. Although I want to be so badly.
I think this may be my last post for a while. And it is good to say that a change has happened. If you read back in my posts you will find me despairing and broken. Now I am full of hope. Not that I never get sad, but I know what I live for more than ever, I know what I look forward to, and I know that every breath that goes in and out of these lungs is a gift and something that doesn't belong to me.
I pray that whoever is reading this, whether you are full of hope or despairing, going through trials or times of joy...that you will find your hope in Jesus Christ, the Son of the Living God. My peace doesn't just come from my surroundings or from doing yoga, my peace comes from a man who has experienced my pain, and although I am a sinner He calls me His own. I couldn't do this without my Lord, He is the song that my heart now sings.
Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed, Because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness, "The Lord is my portion", says my soul, "Therefore I hope in Him!" The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him. It is good that one should hope and wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord". Lamentations 3:21-26
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